Minerva's Game
by Who Died of Ennui
Summary: A parody (so it's a SPOOF, okay?), of all those Severus Snape Minerva McGonagall romances out there... Enjoy!


Minerva's Game  
  
"Hello, Minerva, dear," said Professor Severus Snape pleasantly as he and his fellow professor Minerva McGonagall passed in the halls.  
  
She gave him an icy stare.  
  
"You know, I need to talk to you about... students," Snape continued. "I'll stop by your office tonight, okay, babe?"  
  
She gave him a snowy stare.  
  
"All righty, I'll see you then!" He turned and walked away, self- consciously smoothing his greasy black hair back and then wiping his hand on his robes.  
  
She looked after him with a rainy stare.  
  
That evening, Minerva was just taking her luscious crackling grey hair out of its bun when there came a knock at the door. She turned, giggled to herself, and ran to open it.  
  
There stood Snape.  
  
"Oh, it's you," she said disappointedly.  
  
"Ahaha, yes, it is me, my sweet... you look lovely tonight." Minerva blushed and glanced down at her vaguely rabbit-colored robes.  
  
"Oh, Severus, you make me laugh, hahahahaha!" She then proceeded to sing a bit from the Phantom of the Opera, from the part that is generally sung by Carlotta, the prima donna.  
  
Snape stepped half a step closer. Then, he stepped another half a step closer. The, he gave the half-a-step a miss and stepped five steps closer, until he was right next to her.  
  
"Oh, Severus, you smell so very ba-- I mean, we mustn't! Not here!" gasped Minerva. Disappointed, Snape stepped back.  
  
Minerva took a huge breath of the clean, non-Snape-scented air. He looked so very inconsolable that she innerly sneered and outwardly leaned as close to him as she could without losing it and screaming.  
  
"Meet me at my place," she said, and handed him a card with an address in Dublin, Ireland. He smiled, and tried to kiss her, but was pushed away speedily, so he instead hastened out of the room.  
  
He passed Headmaster Dumbledore in the halls, and shouted a greeting, but, strangely, he was not noticed, for Dumbledore was in a hurry to get someplace quickly.  
  
Snape did not turn back, but if he had, he would've seen Dumbledore entering Minerva's room, but that is a much different story.  
  
He ran to his room, threw a pair of boxers, a lacy slip, and a few other suspicious objects into a canvas bag, and hopped on a broomstick that was conveniently propped in a corner of the room. Then, like a great crow, he fluttered off the ground and into the night.  
  
Two very sore buttocks later, he arrived in Dublin. He wandered around until he found the street listed on the card Minerva had given him, and, after a bit more wandering, he found the building specified.  
  
He looked it over. It was a large, clean-looking place. There were some words decorating the side of it, but as he was not used to script without pictures to help him along, he could not read it. Taking a deep breath, he went in.  
  
Immediately, he was tackled and his bag taken away from him.  
  
"Here's another one for you, Doctor," said a voice in an ominous tone.  
  
"Please, don't hurt me! I'm innocent! I'm just a wizard who was looking for someplace of really no importance, let me go!" Snape screamed, starting to cry.  
  
"Yea, this one's a nutcase, all right," the voice said.  
  
Snape managed to look up, and saw some more letters and a picture. It was of a person holding a flower and smiling vacantly. Finally, it sunk in. "I'm in a psychiatriatric ward! I'm in a psychiatric ward!" he screamed.  
  
"Yes, that's right, my son. You are safe now," came a sweet voice. He looked up. There, standing delicately beside him, was a young female, perhaps 20 years younger, in fact.  
  
"'My son'? Whatever do you mean, Muggle?"  
  
"I am a priest," said she. "I have a perfect right to call anyone I want by some name showing that I am like their parent."  
  
"You are not a priest."  
  
"Am too."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Am too."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"AM TOO! Attendants! Take this madman away! He needs to be safely tucked away, so that he will not hurt himself." She smiled sweetly at him as he was dragged away.  
  
"Minerva!" he screamed.  
  
Suddenly, she did not come to rescue him, as she did not fight off the guards and kiss Snape passionately.  
  
"Damn," said he.  
  
He was locked in a cell with a few others. "Eh, did you lose the game of Minerva, too?" said one of them.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Eh, didn't you know? She's a temptress, a seductress, she is. She's gotten all the Potions teachers for the last eighty years locked up in here!"  
  
Snape did not reply. Instead, he snuggled up against the nearest skeleton and wept bitterly.  
  
"Well, she did catch a mad one this time," said one of the voices.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Agreed."  
  
"Shut up!" screamed Snape. Then, he returned again to his grief-and-shock routine, occasionally pausing to sniff louder than any person has a right to or to wipe his streaming nose on his slimy hair. How he managed to wipe his nose on his hair remains a mystery. Then, he curled up in a triangular shape and went to sleep.  
  
The End 


End file.
